I've always secretly prided myself on not needing praise, attention, cuddles, constant affirmation, or even a lot of time in relationships. I've always been the half of relationships that was cautious and easily smotherable (that's a word, I just decided.) My favorite phrases have been "I'm just really busy" and "Let's take a break", to name a few.
This week I realized I just never really cared about having any of those things before not necessarily because of me, but because of the people that were providing that attention. I just didn't need those affectionate (and time-consuming) relationships with people I knew, deep down, didn't have a place in my future.
Now that I find myself needing those things, I realize that it is because I need those things to make a future. I need those things because I can see a future. And that's scary and unbelievably wonderful all at the same time.
